Thursday. A day full of peace and love

I want to start by telling you about Wyatt's surgery.

Today Wyatt underwent diaphragmic plication.  During his aortapexy surgery, the nerve to the left portion of Wyatt's diaphragm was injured.  Due to this injury, his diaphragm was not functioning properly.  Our doctor gave him time in hopes that it would rejuvenate itself and resume function.  Because it did not, the diaphragmic plication was necessary.  From what our surgeon explained today, he actually took out a small portion of the diaphragm, stretching it tight and suturing it down (so to speak).  This was to allow his lung to expand as it should to dispose of gasses. 

He went down about 7:10 a.m. for his 7:30 surgery.  Nurses attempted to give Wyatt another IV so that they could give him blood, but failed to get a vein while in the room.  Let me tell you why it is that Wyatt needed blood.  Apparently at a certain point in a baby's life their mothers blood begins to leave their bodies and they begin generating their own.  Apparently this time in a baby's life is right around Wyatt's current age.  So, this coupled with the blood loss during his last surgery, his CV-something-another was low.  If he had not needed surgery today, they would not have given him blood.  At any rate, surgery began right around 7:30.  We were originally told that surgery would take about 3 hours.

As soon as they took Wyatt down, Mike and I went into the waiting room.  I was starving, so I sent Mike to grab some breakfast for us.  My mom and dad met him in the cafeteria and came back to the waiting room with him.  I had my fried bologna (totally bad for you, I know, but totally what I needed this morning).  During this time, I had my laptop to help waste time.  Music has really gotten me through all of this waiting, so I had to have it with me.  Around 9:30 we got a call for an update.  It was the nurse letting us know that they were closing up, Wyatt did really well and that Dr. Lovvorn would be out to talk to us shortly.  HOLY COW!!!  That was much quicker than I imagined.

We were ushered into a consult room to wait on Dr. Lovvorn.  My mom and dad came with us so they could get the information, first hand.  Dr. Lovvorn came in and told us that everything went beautifully.  Somehow we got off topic.  First, my mom told him how so many people were praying for him.  He was so thankful to learn this.  He said that he was a very prayerful surgeon and that it meant so much to him to know that people were praying for him.  Then, as if we needed further proof that God chose him to be Wyatt's surgeon, he asked where mom and dad were from.  When we told him, he wasn't familiar with the name.  I told him that it was approximately 2 hours east of Lexington.  He then said, "I was at Jenny Wiley State Park once.  Is that close?"  Seriously?!?!?!?!  Confirmation.

So, they brought Wyatt back to his room and mama got a much needed nap.  My mom and dad called to see if we wanted to meet them for dinner.  So, we went to Logan's for dinner; a very nice change from Pizza Hut, Taco Bell and Subway.  All day I've had a scratchy throat.  The kind of scratchy that I knew.  So, after dinner I went to the Minute Clinic at CVS.  I just wanted to see if I was ok to stay with my boy.  All in all, I don't have strep.  However, I do have a virus of some sort.  So, as we speak, here I set with a mask on my face.  However, I am still able to stay with my boy, which means the world to me.

Now to address the bigger topic at hand.  No one will ever know how full our hearts are today.  Starting at 6 a.m. this morning, the e-mails and Facebook posts started.  It seemed everyone I ever knew in my entire life, as well as many, many people I don't know, were praying for our angel.  Then, an hour into surgery I got on Facebook to check an e-mail.  It seemed that every profile picture I saw had been changed to my angel.  To know not only that people were praying for my angel, but would take the time to bring such awareness to his fight and to ask others for prayer, makes my heart feel as thought it could explode.  It is in a time such as this, I am so thankful to be from Eastern Kentucky.  There have been so many negative images associated with our home, that stories such as this never come into light.  It's community at its finest.  People spreading the word for the need of prayer for a child hundreds of miles away.  People we don't even know sending us heartfelt messages of hope and faith for the healing of our angel.  People lifting us all up in prayer and well wishes in a time where sometimes that's all we have to go on.  It fills my heart.  I am so proud to be Wyatt's mother.  To think that he has touched so many people's lives and that they take time, if just for a moment, out of their busy lives, to think about and to pray for him.  There have been times in my life when I have thought, "what does it matter to be a good person?"  I questioned why it was that good people finished last.  Why it was that I felt as though being a good person and doing the right thing never mattered.  And why it was that I always followed the golden rule of "do unto others" never mattered.  Today is proof of why.  Today proves that being a good person and treating others kindly, does come back to you.  And it's not just my Eastern Kentucky home.  It's our friends and family in Michigan, here in Tennessee and all over the world.  We will never be able to thank you enough.

By no means are we out of the woods.  Wyatt still has a struggle ahead of him, both long and short term.  Right now, he is still on the vent.  They are attempting to ween him from it, but right now, he is in pain and still needs the help.  Please, keep praying for our angel.  Pray for him to be able to breathe on his own.  It's still so scary not knowing.  Not knowing whether or not he will be able to breath on his own.  It's even harder knowing that when we came in, he was breathing on his own, and now, 40 days later, he has to be on a machine to be able to breathe.  To say that I'm not terrified would be a lie, because I am.  But, I must have faith.  I must have faith in knowing that God will heal my son.  To give it up to Him is hard, but I know it is necessary. 

So, here I sit, masked and drained both emotionally and physically.  Oh, did I tell you that I have suffocation issues?  Wearing this mask is giving me some serious anxiety.  But, it's so very minor compared to what my son is going through, so I think I will live.  I am emotionally drained because I have never in my entire life felt so much love from all over the world, that I feel at this very moment.  I want you all to know that I feel it.  I can feel the peace and love from you all.  I will never be able to express in words how much it means to us all.  Thank you, from the very core of my soul.

Things I am thankful for today.

Prayerful friends, both known and unknown, from all over the world.

Clint Brown praise and worship music.

Minute Clinics and no strep.

Blue Monday's from Wood's Grocery.  They make everything better.

Ash Wednesday shows to be peaceful

Today as been very quiet and peaceful.  My boy has slept most of the day, allowing me to sleep too.  He didn't look like he felt good today, but his temperature wasn't up.  So, sleep was good. 

I haven't had a chance to tell you about our surgeon, Dr. Lovvorn.  We met Dr. Lovvorn when Wyatt was 3 weeks old.  He came in to talk to us about his G-Tube surgery.  He's very laid back and speaks very softly and with confidence.  After Wyatt's first and failed attempt of his G-Tube surgery, he became almost part of the family.  He was just as concerned as we were and wanted to help ease our minds.  He talked to both Mike and I at great length prior to doing the aortapexy.  He answered all questions we had and made us feel totally at ease.  The reason I tell you about Dr. Lovvorn, is I want you to know where his heart is.  Dr. Lovvorn tells us at every visit that he prays for Wyatt.  Just after we were moved to the PICU, he came in very early one morning and told me how he woke up in the middle of the night wondering how Wyatt was doing.  He's very compassionate and caring.  Last week when he did the scope on Wyatt that got the mucus plugs out in order to reinflate his lung, he talked to us for about 20 minutes.  He wanted us to know that he had reviewed Wyatt's file numerous times.  He told us that he felt as though we all made the right decision with the aortapexy surgery.  I can feel his love for his craft and his compassion for his patients.  I just needed to tell you all how amazing this man is.  How God has put him in our lives to take care of our angel.  I know that he has dozens or other children to take care of, but somehow he makes us feel like we are his first priority.

So, on a lighter note, I want to tell you how gross I feel.  Funny, I know, but I do.  You see, the PICU has been a very busy place and those sleep rooms that I relish have become few and far between.  They are given out based upon how far away you live and how sick your child is.  Since we live so close, unless there are lots of them available, we typically don't get one.  Now, I know what you are thinking, "don't they have shower rooms you can use?"  Well, yes.  Yes they do.  However, I feel like when I walk in, I need a biohazard suit.  They take nasty to a whole new level.  I don't want to sit on the toilet in them, let alone take my clothes off and get all of those ickies all over me!  So, I change my clothes daily, to keep the stink down!  But, right now, I could totally use a nice, hot shower. 

Random, it's strange watching the news when they are in the hospital at the very time you are watching it!

So, all in all, I am trying to stay positive.  It becomes so difficult at times that all I want to do is scream, cry and ask why.  I know that we aren't suppose to question God, but I can't help but ask.  I just want my baby to be "fixed".  I want to hold him, read to him, clean dirty hands, bandage scraped knees, dry tears and scare away monsters in the closet.  I want to watch this little angel grow into an incredible man of God. 

Today I am thankful for:

A prayerful surgeon.  Dr. Lovvorn gives me hope and confidence in his ability to help my son.

Baseball caps.  Thank goodness there is something in this world to cover his nasty hair of mine!

Hospital ice chips.  Imagine Dairy Cheer ice within 20 feet of our room!  It's wonderful!

Catherine, our night nurse last night.  We gave Wyatt a bath and she gave him a fauxhawk.  It's the cutest thing you have ever seen!

On Tuesday, Mama Bear had to show herself

So, Monday night/Tuesday morning was a rough time for all of us.  Wyatt was running a fever again and his vent kept going off.  Mama got about 2 hours total sleep all night.  Now, mind you, one of our doctors had told us Monday night that they weren't sure if the plication surgery would work for us, giving us no alternative.  I had a very, uber emotional night.  So, when I asked why he wasn't receiving the hit therapy, as he had been receiving before, the nurse pulled his file, only to find that they had made that decision, and not notified either of us about the change, and I freaked.  Also, only the day before our nurse had mentioned that his blood count was low and would probably need a transfusion, but no one told me about this.  The nurse said that they found out about it a few days earlier.  During the night, they attempted to do a CPAP trial and my poor little man vomited all over the place.  He felt like crap, and all I could do was cry.

Surgery came in for rounds.  It was the fellow (who, might I add is super good looking), Dr. Martin.  He said that surgery was on for Thursday.  Wait a minute!  I had been told the night before that we weren't going to have surgery because they weren't sure if it would help, but now I am being told that we were indeed having surgery?  So, Mama Bear showed herself!

I vented to our super sweet, super helpful nurse.  Kristin then proceeded to call the patient advocate.  So, my sweet Jan came in, again.  We talked about everything that was now going on.  I told her that I recognized that I need a goal, a game plan if you will, to set my sights on, or else I go crazy.  She was very understanding and helpful, promising to get to the bottom of it all.  She left and not 10 minutes later, surgery came back in.  He said that they were going to proceed with surgery to tact his diaphragm down.  They did feel like they needed to give this surgery a try and that halting it previously was in hopes that the nerve would regerate movement.  As he was leaving, the general PICU team was rounding, so they were able to get together and have their talk.  The PICU attending, Dr. Cutrer (who we love) apologized because he recognized that there had been a breakdown in communication along the way.  Thank goodness someone was recognizing it.

So, Tuesday ended up, all in all, being a good day.  Wyatt felt better after some Tylenol and he went to sleep without meds.  I was able to get an entire 5 hours of undisrupted sleep.  The nurse even giggled and said that she heard me snoring!  UGH! 

So, the plan at this point is to have surgery Thursday on the diaphragm.  My poor baby is so cut up.  I hate it for him.  But, in the grand scheme of things, if these surgeries all help him, it's not a big deal.  Besides, chicks dig scars!

Things I am thankful for today.

The ability to vent, cry and pray.  But even more, the incredible and understanding people at Vanderbilt who want to fix it.

Cadbury Mini Eggs

Incredible nurses

Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Peanut Butter Swirl and the fact that the hospital has a Ben & Jerry's on the second floor to feed this addiction!

I feel hopeless

So, the day had been shaping up to be a good one.  The doctors had found a happy place for Wyatt's sedation and he was more awake today than he had been in a long time.  He looked and moved his little arms more today.  His fluoro study was suppose to happen at 10, but due to an emergency, they had to use that time for someone else.  So he went down at 2.  The nurse practioner had said that she didn't see movement of the diaphragmm but I wasn't going to hang my hat on that.

So, the doctor just left from talking to me, and I am having a hard time.  Dr. Lovvorn, whom I love, said that they weren't going to do the surgery tomorrow.  He said that he wanted to look at the study with the radiologist and see what he thought.  He also said that they weren't sure if the plication would even help Wyatt.  He said that in the plication, they would tact the diaphragm down, allowing his lung to dispose of the gasses.  However, because Wyatt has no left pectoral muscle, they are unsure if that would even work.  He said that this surgery has been very successful in the past, but because they have never done these types of things on a child with Wyatt's unique makeup, they just don't know.  Because Wyatt is missing his left pectoral muscle that would help move his lung, he didn't know if this surgery would even help.

So, as of this moment, I feel totally and completely hopeless.  I feel like my child is being punished for something I did.  I know that is not the case, but I do.  I feel like I have been so strong and so hopeful that this set back has just done me in.  I just want my baby back.  I just want him to be ok.  I want to hold him and rock him to sleep.  I can't even put my arms around him.  I want to dry his tears, not mine.  I want to watch him grow like a normal child, not lay in a hospital bed with a machine breathing for him.  I need him.  I need him like I have never needed anyone in my entire life.  I feel like the decision to have the aortapexy surgery was the wrong decision.  And you can't take back that kind of decision.  How do you deal with this pain?  How do you cope with feeling responsible that your child is like this.  I pray so hard that God will heal this nerve.  I pray so hard that he be better.  I know that things are doing in God's time, not ours.  But how do you cope with this pain in the meantime?  I hurt.  My heart physically hurts.  I am his mommy and I want to kiss it and make it better and I can't. 

Please don't think that I am ungreatful for what God has done thus far, because I am.  And I know that He can work miracles.  But, I feel so broken.  I feel completely hopeless.  I don't think I can stay positive anymore.  I just want him better.  I don't know how many times I can say it.  Wyatt is  my life.  I just want him to be ok.  I want him to come home and grow up and play in the dirt.  I want to worry about normal mommy things, not this.  I clean dirty faces and carpets.  I want to teach him and read to him.  I just want to hold him. 

Please know that I am venting and getting out my frustrations.  I feel hopeless and I am starting to feel angry.  Angry that my son is having to deal with this.  I keep talking to God, asking him how he dealt with his only son's death.  I ask him how he got through the pain.  My heart hurts. 

Sunday's are nice when nothing major happens

So, as I said yesterday, I was able to go home and sleep in my own bed.  On my way home, I stopped by Bubby John and Becky's to eat, pick up my mom and get my Roscoe boy.  Since Mike and I are gone most of the time now, Bubby John and Becky are keeping Roscoe.  He LOVES it there.  He and Bo are best buddies and he loves running up and down their stairs. 

I slept most of the day, only getting up long enough to eat breakfast (that Bubby John brought to me from Micky D's), watch an episode of Being Human and see my mom off on her trip back home. 

I got up for good around 3 or so.  It was so nice to sleep.  It was even nicer to sleep with someone, even if it was Roscoe.  I have slept alone every night since we got here.  It might not bother some people, but it bothers me.  I love having someone else there. 

So, I called Mike on my way back to the hospital to tell him I was on my way and to tell him if he met me out front, we could go to dinner and then come back.  That's when he said that we were, again, moving to a new room.  You have to be kidding me. 

When I got to the hospital, I was not exactly happy.  Thank goodness our nurse was again sweet Curry.  When I asked her why it was easier for them to move the child and not the nurse, she told me.  Yesterday they moved him because the child he was paired with in the other pod required too much attention and they needed to move him for staffing reasons.  This move was because the cardiac surgeries take place during the week and the pod we were in was a cardiac pod and they needed the rooms.  Ok, I could calm down now!

Much to our surprise, we were moved back, not only to our old pod, but to our old room.  That's nice.  However, I had to say goodbye to my bathroom and go back to the nasty public bathroom.  YUCK.  Peeing must now be only when I simply can not hold it anymore!!!

Mike and I went to dinner at Calhoun's.  I had to have their pretzels with beer cheese.  And, it was incredible.  On the way back to the hospital we stopped at Walgreens.  I got a new magazine and some sweets.  In the PICU we can't have food in our rooms like we did on the regular floor.  So, I sneak in Lemon Heads and other hard candies.  It makes me feel better! 

Overall, today has been a good day.  No more temperature.  But more than that, they have figured out a happy place for Wyatt's medicine.  Before, it was either total knocked out sedation or total anger for our boy.  When he was out, he was out and that was most of the time.  But, when he was awake, he was trashing and trying to pull out the vent, even with no-no's on his arm and they would then have to sedate him.  Today, they got it right.  It was so amazing to see him awake and moving, but not thrashing.  I could talk to him and he would watch me.  It's been a good day.  Little steps.

I want to become more thankful for things that are good right now instead of always looking at what it wrong.  So, I am going to try and add at the end of my blogs the things I am thankful for.  They may be trivial, but I think it's nice to not always be so forlorn.

Today I am thankful for music.  The following are the songs I have on repeat.  They may change tomorrow.

Mountain Heart's Gospel Heart and John

Everything by the Glee Cast.  Right now Don't Stop Believing, Time Warp, No Air, Poker Face and Teenage Dream

Katy Perry's Firework

CeeLo Green's Forget You

The Beetles' Blackbird

Bruno Mars' Just the Way You Are

Florence + The Machine's Dog Days Are Over

Happy Saturday from a new room

Ok, so since I have posted everything that we have come through, I can now start posting things as I go through them.  So you, my loyal readers, can experience them with me.

Last night I was able to get a sleep room to get some actual rest in.  The sleep rooms are few and far between.  They are given out based on first how far away you live and second how sick your child is.  Well, we live only about 15 miles from the hospital. and so I generally only ask for when when absolutely need sleep.  I have had them a few times and they were such a welcomed change.  They have a full sized bed, that is actually really comfie.  However, the nicest part is the full bathroom.  I am able to shower, in peace.

Anyway, I slept through my 6:00 a.m. alarm.  At 6:30 my phone rang.  It was not a number I knew so I panicked.  The doctors and nurses have my number in case something happens.  So, it was Florence (yes, that is her name and she is only about 25 and cute as a button), our nurse.  Her first words were "This is not an emergency and I am sorry to wake you."  My heart, of course, was racing at this point.  They had moved Wyatt to another pod (part wing of the ICU) for staffing reasons (not something unusual for us).  She was just calling me to let me know so that I didn't freak when I came to see him. 

Since I was awake, I showered and got ready to come be with the boy.  However, in my shower, I talked to God.  It was a very emotional talk, as most of them have been lately.  It was one of those prayers where you beg for something.  Now, I know that begging generally doesn't get you anywhere, but this morning, I needed to get it out.  I know that God knows my needs.  I also know that the word says ask and you shall receive.  And I also know it doesn't say anything about begging.  However, this morning. I just needed to let it out.  When all was said and done, I felt better.  I felt a little relief. 

When I got to our new room, I was very pleased to see that we have a private restroom.  This is incredible considering the public one in his old pod was disgusting.  And when I say disgusting, I mean DIS-GUS-TING!  I twice had to tell the nurses that there was a bodily fluid (and you don't want to know what kind of bodily fluid I am talking about, trust me) on the floor.  Oh, and the patients don't use this bathroom.  Oh, and neither do the nurses.  Just imagine how dirty it is.  So, you can imagine how incredible it was to find that we had our own, private, restroom. 

Wyatt was sleeping, as he always is nowadays.  They have to keep him sedated because when he is awake, he gets so agitated that his heart rate goes up.  I settled in for a long day. 

I asked about CPAP trials because that is what our surgeon, Dr. Lovvorn, had told us last night.  Our nurse, Curry, said that they weren't going to do one because the peds doctor said that they didn't want to get him tired, since his diaphragm wasn't moving anyway.  Ok, here we go again.  So, I sorta freaked.  It's getting much easier for me to voice my opinion.  Curry said that a doctor was going to come talk to me about it.  I also want to note, that I didn't not freak out on Curry.  Curry is a super sweet and kind nurse, as most all of our nurses have been. 

In the meantime, Wyatt had somehow developed a temperature.  So, they took some blood, took a culture on mucus from his vent and started giving him Tylenol.  Now, his temp wasn't terrible, but of course, they don't want to take chances with anything.

My mom came about 11 and sat with me.  It is so nice to have company.  Don't get me wrong, I have completely gotten use to being alone.  It really doesn't bother me.  And, my handy dandy laptop is such an amazing help to beat the loneliness.  Anyway, around 1:00 Bubby John, Meme and my brother came to take us to lunch.  We ended up at Macaroni Grill, one of my faves!  It was nice to get out of the hospital and be around non-sickness, if only for a minute. 

So, when I got back the doctor came in to tell me that she was very sorry for the lack of communication, again.  She also said that even though Dr. Lovvorn thought there was movement in his diapraghm, the radiologist thought that the movement was very minimal at best.  So, their plan was to not do the CPAP trials because they didn't want him to get tired.  I could be ok with that.  She also told me that Wyatt's white blood count came back good.

Also on Friday, Dr. Lovvorn had told me that on Monday they wanted to do a specialized test to watch his diaphragm in real time.  If there was still no improvement, they would schedule the diaphragm plication surgery on Tuesday.  This surgery will basically attach the left side to the right side of the diaphragm.

Wyatt's temperature had broken shortly after he received the Tylenol and didn't have a problem with if after that.  They did, however, start him on an antibiotic, just in case.  You see, Wyatt not only had the surgery from the aortapexy, but he has a chest tube still in.  So, they don't want whatever it is that is going on with the temp, to be an issue later on.  So, they are treating him with antibiotics.  A move I am totally ok with.

Let me tell you what is so special about Saturday nights.  Mike doesn't have to work on Sundays so he comes to stay with our boy so that I can go home and sleep in my own bed.  It's a magical time when I can walk around in a night shirt, and not worry about doctors or nurses.  When I can take a long, hot bath and just relax. 

So, I left the hospital about 9.  I only stayed so late because I was not a fan of the night nurse.  She left a lot to be desired, that's for sure.  I was really happy that Mike could deal with her.  It wasn't that she wasn't good.  She just took her time.  His blood pressure stays kinda low because he is sedated all of the time.  And they have the machine set off to take it every 30 minutes.  So, when it takes his blood pressure, it's low and his monitor goes off.  It literally took her 20 minutes to come see what the alarm was.  Thank God it wasn't an emergency. 

So off I went for my time back home.  I miss is so much, and I'm pretty sure Mike isn't watering my plants.

Life in the PICU

Wyatt's oxygen rate was dropping rather quickly.  Our nurse had to call rapid response, again, for their help.  They talked to me about what might possibly be going on.  I asked the doctor if one of the possible complications during the surgery had been the cause.  They weren't sure, however, this information was very helpful in determining the cause.  More on the cause later.  They used the blow by to get oxygen to him while they moved him into the PICU.  They put him on CPAP in hopes that it would suffice.  It did not.  Once in the PICU, they had to intubate him, which meant that he was back on the ventilator.  And being back on the ventilator meant that he had to be sedated. 

On Saturday, they took Wyatt off of the ventilator because they felt like he was breathing well on his own.  His respiration rate became very fast and his heart rate rose.  They put him back on the ventilator Monday morning and they took an x-ray and found that Wyatt had fluid on his left lung.  Because his diaphragm was pushed up against the lung, fluid accumulated around it.  The surgeons put a chest tube in to drain the fluid.  In the process of this, they found that his left lung had collapsed.  On Tuesday, they scheduled Wyatt for another scope.  They felt as though a mucus plug had caused air to be blocked from his lung and for it to collapse.  The surgeons were able to determine through the scope, that there were multiple mucus plugs.  They were also able to remove several of them.  Wyatt's lung re inflated rather quickly.  So, Wyatt had been breathing, off of the ventilator, for more than 36 hours on one lung.  Please keep in mind that the right lung is compromised because his heart is on that side.

So, it turns out that one of the possible complications from surgery, that we had been informed of prior to, indeed had caused Wyatt's breathing issues.  It seems that during the surgery, the nerve to the diaphragm had to be moved, not cut but rather slightly pushed to the side, in order to get to the aorta.  In doing so, it paralyzed the nerve. The surgeon had informed us that by moving it, possible paralyzing could occur.  Indeed, this happened.  The left side of Wyatt's chest is where the incision was made to do the aortapexy. 
The doctors had hopped that by giving his body time to rest, this nerve would recover and heal itself.  They have now given him 7 days, and this has not occurred.  They have attempted to wean him off of the ventilator, and he has failed each time.

This morning, seven days after the aortapexy surgery, our surgery team came in and they feel as though surgery is the only option.  This surgery will be to tact the left diaphragm to the right.  So that when the his right side moves, it will move the left, allowing him to breathe easier.  I don't know much more information about the surgery, but I will post more information when I get the chance.

On a side note, I just want to vent on how hard this is for me.  I have tried to stay oh so strong for everyone, for Wyatt, Mike, my family.  But honestly, I don't know if I can much longer.  I have gone 7 days now and have not been able to hold my baby.  He has been sedated for 95% of this time and on a ventilator.  All my baby does is sleep (if that's what you call it).  Prior to the aortapexy surgery, he was so happy, playing with his feet.  Now, it's a miracle if he opens his eyes enough for me to see them.  I want my baby back.