Saturday, November 3, 2012

Thankful, day three

Thankful, day three.

Mikey.  His name enough should suffice.  

Mike is my better half, in every single way.  He is the yin to my yang.  He is the calm in my storm.  He is my strong and steady.  He is my rock.

Of course, as you all probably know, Mike and I met online.  Some said that I was crazy, any maybe I was.  But in the end, my gut was right.  He is the most amazing man I have ever met.

Mike puts up with my crap.  And man, do I have plenty of it.  I am honest and demanding.  I am messy, and crude at times.  I like things how I like them, when I like them and where I like them.  And he lets me.  Don't get me wrong, he is the first person to put me in my place.  But all in all, he has spoiled me like no person should ever deserve to be spoiled. 

By no means are we perfect.  We are far from it.  He hates that I leave my towel on the floor.  I hate that he chews his nails.  He can't stand it that I won't cut Wyatt's hair and I hate it when he doesn't hurry for things.  But all in all, we work things out.  We communicate about how we feel.  We make time for date night, every Thursday night.  We know the value of each other.

Don't even get me started on how amazing he is as a dad.  He and Wyatt are so funny together.  Sometimes I swear they are the same age.  He crawls with Wyatt and throws him in the air.  He cuddles with him and kisses him, always telling him that the loves him.  And he does, I can see it.

Ours is the kind of love I am proud my son will see.  The kind of love that dissolves boundaries.  The kind of love that others are jealous of.  I am so thankful for Mike.  I am thankful he is mine, and I am his.  I am so thankful that he chose me.  I don't feel adequate for him at times, but I am every so thankful he thinks I am. 

But most of all, he loves me.  He loves me with a deeper love than I have ever experienced before.  A scary kind of love that stops me in my tracks sometimes.  He loves me fat and thin.  He loves me rich and poor.  He loves me crazy and sane.  He honestly loves me.  In no way will I ever be able to match his love for me.  But, I promise I will spend the last of my days trying to.

I love you Michael Paul.  I am thankful you were online ten years ago and that I was the "Southern" girl you chose. I love you to the moon and back.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Thankful, day two

Thankful, day two.

Today I am thankful to rock my baby boy to sleep.

There were many occasions when we were in the hospital, that I was unable to even hold my baby.  Days upon end, I would sit at his bedside, holding his hand or rubbing his foot, longing to hold him in my arms.  His tiny body, contained tubes and wires, helping him breathe.  There was no place for mama's arms.  He was fragile, and, I admit, I was scared.  Frightened that if I held him, I could disconnect a tube and cause his breathing to stop.  So, for days and weeks on end, I held and rubbed his hands and feet. 

I tell you this not for sympathy.  I tell you so that you can understand why rocking my boy to sleep, even at 2 in the morning, is a blessed occurrance.  So that you can understand why the smallest of things in your world, may hold a much bigger place in someone elses.  I treasure every evening after bathtime, when I can cuddle close, sing Fire and Rain (sometimes dozens of times) and rock my angel boy to sleep.  I praise God that his breathing is on his own.  That I can wrap my arms around him and bring him comfort.  And that the last sound to his day, is my voice and the beat of my heart.

Thankful, day one

While many of my friends have taken to Facebook to express their thankfulness during this month of Thanksgiving, I have chosen to blog.  I find that Facebook limits the emotions I tend to have (and can't contain to a certain number of characters).  So, here we go.

Thankful day one.

Today, I am thankful for my faith.

While by no means do I profess to be a perfect person of faith, but I know my heart.  And I am ever thankful that God loves me despite the fact that I don't deserve it.

Over the past two years, my faith has been tested.  There have been times that I would pray, not knowing if they were heard.  There were times when I questioned the very existence of God.  But, I can honestly say that being on the other side, I could not have made it without my faith.  I know that in those doubting times, that I just needed to be angry.  And during those very same times, I continued to pray.  I prayed for the healing of my son.  Many of those prayers were in the midst of not even knowing what was wrong, but I had faith in healing of it. 

And you see, Wyatt's healing has never been about my time.  Things don't happen in our time.  They happen when they should, in His time.  I see Wyatt's healing every single day.  I see his progress from that place where I questioned everything.  Wyatt continues to amaze me.  His healing is visual for me now.  I can see how my God is laying his hands upon my baby and healing him, every single day.

While I don't know where tomorrow will take me, what I do know is that I am not alone in that journey.  I am not alone in each and every step I take.  He is always there, holding my hand and guiding me, even when I don't deserve it.  And for that, I am eternally thankful.