The past two days have been tough. Mike and I have been house hunting. Because I have gone back to work (even just part time) we are able to purchase a home that we really love and one that we are able to grow with. I won't bore you with details, but just stay a prayer for us. It's a crazy emotional journey.
Also this week, it has come to my attention that Wyatt is at "that stage". The stage where he wants me all of the time one minute, then wants nothing to do with me, the next. It has literally broken my heart.
At any rate, today has been a sad one for me. I don't know why, just a down day. I logged into Facebook and checked my "groups". I am a member in tons of amazing groups from Moebius Moms to Moms of Trach Babies (MOTB). Both of the aforementioned groups have been great for me. They are both full of moms who are living with the same "stuff" we are. It's awesome to have that kind of support. Anyway, when I checked the MOTB group, a mom had posted the poem below. Of course when I read it, I couldn't stop crying. It was exactly what I needed. It's the story of my life. I feel as though this poem was written for me.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
The Special Motherby Erma Bombeck
Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."
"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."
Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child." The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."
"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has her own world. She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'". She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"
"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.
God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."