Day 72

Tomorrow we are going home.

It seems unreal that we have been here for so long. Most all faces of once strangers are now faces of new friends. The men and women we see on a daily basis now know Wyatt and our family. Smiles pop in and out of our room to check on us and to play with Wyatt. To say that my angel has touched many lives is an understatement. I will never begin to understand how the gravity of our "situation" has touched people. I will never begin to understand how much our journey has affected lives all over. That was never my intention going into this blog; more so to get my frustrations and fears out. I needed an outlet to cry and scream to, and this blog became that. It became my source of therapy.

The last few days have been really good. I feel ready to go home, but so scared at the same time. I would be worried if I weren't afraid, to be honest. Taking care of a child with a trach is a full time job, even with nursing around the clock. The constant care for a trach child blows my mind. However, I am so blessed to have been given the honor to be Wyatt's mom and to be able to be the one to provide this care for him. He is so laid back. Thank goodness he took after his daddy. He is such a "roll with the punches" kind of child. He never gets excited. When I am bawling over doing a trach change (which I don't do anymore mind you; crying that is), he never even bats an eye. He continues chewing on his hand as if nothing ever happened. I am so truly thankful that with everything we have gone through, he is so easy going.

With that being said, I want to let you in on one of my major faults in life. Ok, so there isn't enough time in the world for me to talk about my faults, but I want to talk about one in particular. You see, Wyatt has had a tough time sleeping lately. The doctors feel as though it is because he was on so many meds for so long that his body is just having a hard time sleeping on its own. Not necessarily withdrawals, but maybe kind of. It’s ok, but it will take some time. Anyway, Sunday night was a sleepless night for the both of us. I am learning very quickly that I can't sit and stare at him until he goes to sleep. He is so very good and it is ok for me to lie down if he is still awake. I mean, at home I have a video monitor and will be able to see him. Not to mention the nurse that will be there. Anyway, lack of sleep makes my mind do some pretty strange things. It always has. When I am sleepy, I am much more likely to think about things that I would otherwise not think twice about. Thus my major fault. So, I should preface this tale by saying that when I get sleepy, I have a hard time making my eyes stay open. It's really bad. If I am tired enough, I can close my eyes and that is it; I'm out. So, during my sleep deprivation yesterday, I convinced myself that I have narcolepsy. Yep, I said it, I convinced myself that I have narcolepsy. You see, I might just have hypochondria as well. Because, if I hear about something, I convince myself that I too have the same thing. Imagine what watching Rent did to me. Yep, you guessed it. I just knew that I had AIDS. It's terrible isn't it? And while I can't even begin to believe that I am telling this for the world to hear, when I was pregnant, as any pregnant woman, I had a hemorrhoid. Lord, I can't believe I am telling this. I am laughing as I type. So, instead of thinking that it was just a hemorrhoid, I was convinced that I had rectal cancer and I was going to die. I even went so far as to go to Mike crying because I thought I was going to die. It's true. I did. Now, mind you I have read the pregnancy books warning of this, but never in a million years did I think it was something as simple as this. My mind automatically goes there. It’s so bad.

Ok, now that I have shared entirely too much with the world (I still can’t believe that I just told the world that I had a hemorrhoid) I want to tell you about Cathleen. Ms. Cathleen is an RN here at VCH. She works for the PICC line team. Since Wyatt’s PICC line was put in, she comes in every day, Monday through Friday, to see him and check the dressing around it. Since she is one of the only people I have seen with regularity, we have become very friendly. She’s one of the sweetest people on this earth. She’s like my Nashville Bon-Bon. Anyway, we started chit-chatting one day about genealogy, which we both adore. She has been a constant for me during our stay. However, I want you all to know that she when she comes, each and every time, she prays over my baby. She lays her hands on Wyatt and says a pray for him. This simple act of faith has carried me so far in this journey. Knowing that there was a spirit in this place who took the time out of their work day to come and pray for my child has done so much for my faith, especially during this time. I pray that when we do go home, if I am able to keep one relationship out of all of the incredible people we have met, that she is the one I am able to stay connected with. She has truly touched my life.

I want to devote an entire blog to Wyatt’s Wishing Well so I won’t talk much about that here. I do want to say that I have never been touched by something someone has done for me more than I have for the event that was Wyatt’s Wishing Well. It makes me so proud to be from Eastern Kentucky, where neighbors still love one another. Where people will go out of their way to help each other, even when it is for someone they don’t know.

Wyatt is napping and I am seriously thinking about having one myself. Tomorrow will be crazy so you probably won’t hear from me. In the event I have a moment, I will bring you up to speed on the day’s events. Wish us luck for our journey ahead. I’ll keep you in the loop though, don’t worry!

Crud.  Naptime is over.