As I write this, my heart is breaking. No longer for myself or my son, but for the family across from us.
Earlier, a young girl walked by our door. She looked in, making eye contact with me and continued on. A few minutes later, she came to our door. She asked was was wrong with Wyatt. I told her that he had Poland Syndrome and that he was going to have to have a trach. She then said something that has ripped my heart into pieces. She said that the child she was there for (I am assuming she is the child's aunt) died a few days ago. She said that he was clinically dead for 40 minutes and they "brought him back." She said that he was brain dead and that he would be passing away in the next few days. I could not apologize to her enough. She said that she would pray for Wyatt and then left.
I feel like such a terrible person. Here I am, complaining about a trach when I am still going to be able to take my baby home. This family will never be able to take their baby home. They will never be able to see him grow. How selfish of me? How incredibly shallow of me? All I can think of is how Wyatt will not be able to perform a few milestones as a normal child, with the knowledge that he will eventually come off of the trach. How can I be so mindless of others? How can I complain when Wyatt gets to come home with me? This family is losing their child and I am crying for a simple surgery? A surgery that will allow him to breathe better and ultimately grow and be better? I feel like if this family can endure their struggle, which is much more heartbreaking, then I can endure this trach.
As Wyatt and I listened to James Taylor (Wyatt's favorite music), I saw a priest leave the room of this sweet baby. Have I mentioned that this child looks to be not much younger than Wyatt? I couldn't help but get emotional. When Mike's dad was in the hospital, I remember the priest coming in to give the last rites over Sal. As I am not sure this is what was done in this instance, my mind can only go there. I keep gazing into Ashton's room. All I can see is the clock, but the knowledge that such suffering is going on in there is breaking my heart.
I beg of you, please pray for the family of baby Ashton. They will be enduring so much in the days and weeks to come.
I will post more later this evening. So much is going on in my pea brain. Some of it is funny, it might be the insanity of staring at these four walls now for 52 days. But, right now, I just ask for your prayers for baby Ashton's family.